funny Quotes and Sayings article is dedicated to all those suffering people, who experience moody days. Guys, you are not alone! We are here to help you escape from the goddamn depression and get some inspiration from our great collection of the best funny quotes, that we could find on the Internet!
Funny Positive Quotes for Every Day
This page represents the funniest quotes for every day of your life. We offer you to join our laughing community and share these cool sayings with your dearest persons! Make their day brighter!
More funny Quotes and Sayings:
Is your friend in a bad mood? Does he refuse to go for a walk, to play video games and even to talk? The Internet makes the communication much easier! You can send one of these funniest ever quotes to cheer him up!
- “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” Comedian Adam Gropman
- “We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.” Paula Poundstone
- “Never steal. The government hates competition.”
- “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” Margaret Mead
- “Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?”
- “No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.” Abraham Lincoln
- “If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.”
- “I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’”
- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” Jim Carrey
- “Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?”
- “My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.” Jerry Seinfeld
Famous People’s Funny Quotes and saying
If you do not trust that we have a good sense of humor – then trust the experts of this field, to the famous people. They tend to be witty minds today, as the biggest fame follows the peppered tongue. Check some of their quotes here!
- “General Mills is coming out with an organic Twinkie. Isn’t that called a sponge?” Jay Leno
- “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” Elbert Hubbard
- “Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol (Josh Hara)
- “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” Reba McEntire
- “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein
- “The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.” Gore Vidal
- “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” Winston Churchill
- “The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.” Businessman Stanley Randall
- “A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.” Winston Churchill
- “Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have way.” Steve Martin
Looking for the best sarcastic funny quotes and saying?
We’ve compiled a list of top 80 funny quotes sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm.
- “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
- “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
- “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
- “You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
- “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
- “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
- “I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”
- “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant.